God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
