I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
