why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
