i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
