kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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