I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
