dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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