Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
