What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
