i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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