onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
