Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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