So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
