oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
