tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
