wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
