i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
