I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
