I heard we made out
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
