Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
