Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
