im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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