hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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