fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
