alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
