well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just cropdusted the office
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
