Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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