So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
