My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
