I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
