Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
