For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
