I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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