He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
