Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
