My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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