so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
