Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
