you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
