Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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