Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
