Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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