I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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