but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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