in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
