okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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