you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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