your thong is hanging out like whoa
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
