I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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