Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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