it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
