so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
