Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
