every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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