my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
