He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
