There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
