So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
