It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
