Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
