i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
