I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
