I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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