Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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