Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
