Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We are all done wearing pants today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
