Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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