She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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