fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
