I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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