Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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