If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
