so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
