i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i need an iv and a liver transplant
there's paper in my vomit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So here I am, sexting at work.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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