As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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