I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
