This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
