A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
