Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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