No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
