dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
